Lisa's Ritual, Age 10

I know this is not one of the assigned readings, but it caught my eye because it was a poem.  Much like the ones my sisters wrote (I didn't because I wwas much to young to write, just young enough to remember) throughout our ordeal.  The only way my sister's is different is that it is a story of anger and revenge, not of acceptance.  If we would have accepted our abuse and done nothing, my family would not have survived, we would have been killed.  This poem portrays how a young girl feels after being raped by her father.  She draws a hot bath hoping that the feelings, anger, and pain will just go down the drain after she bathes.  After she bathes she curls up in the corner of her room against a wall, her sanctuary, where she is safe.  It is sad that she has to turn to a wall for protection from the person who is supposed to be protecting her.  I used to do this, except my safe haven was my closet, nobody ever found me there.  Rape and domestic abuse are such serious problems, but the screams for help are never very loud, train yourself to read further into the feelings, don't just shrug them off, you could be saving a life.

Domestic Abuse

Those of you who were on class yesterday, Wednesday, November 23 already know that I am a survivor.  A survivor of what you may ask.  I am a survivor of two separate rapes, one when I was 8 and one when I was 14.  Also I survive every day of my life as a victim of domestic abuse.  My father was very abusive to my mother, two sisters, and I.  After my mother filed for divorce my mother went to live in the Harbor House in Appleton and my sisters and I had to hide at different friends houses so we wouldn't be found.  Well anywho, during all of that we were stalked and we are still stalked to this very day reguardless of the restraining order.  Just a month ago my wonderful father tried to add my sisters and I on Facebook.  FANTASTIC!!!  .... Well, you all may think I am normal and happy but I suffer from PTSD and Chronic Major Depression because of my past.  My sisters and I are scared of a cookie, how's that for severe.  Well if you have any questions about my past, ask and I might tell you.  Or if you have had a similar past and want someone who understands to talk to, come see me slimmd60@uwosh.edu    But I am going to cut this off because otherwise I could go on for days and I do not want to miss Thanksgiving. 

"Maid to Order"

In "Maid to Order" by Barbara Ehrenreich, 2000, she discusses in the first few paragraphs how the maids of Merry Maids are made to scrub floors on their hands and knees and wear knee pads that were origionally meant for sexual activities.  This in itself is very degrading.  First of all, it is very straining on a person's body to work an eight hour day on their hands and knees, especially since there are things called mops that are much easier on the body.  Second, the kneepads were meant for blow jobs and the fact that they may work for being on your hands and knees all the time, it is still degrading that they are technically using a kinky sex oriented object for their professional work.  Next, Barbara speaks about how people speak to their maids.  If someone is being paid to clean your house because you are too lazy or "busy" to do so yourself, you should be grateful and nice to them.  This means, not allowing your children to mess up everything the maid just cleaned up as soon as they get home, especially if the maid is still there.  Also, this means not completely ignoring your maid and getting in their way by sitting in the same room the maid is cleaning and checking mail and just watching your maid like a hawk.  It's rediculous, what will people expect next, for the maid to call them "master" and shine their shoes as they walk in aswell?  Some people are so rude and quite frankly I would not be able to be a maid because of it.  It is hard enough to check out groceries at Wal*Mart and be crabbed at, much less cleaning up pee and whatever else is staining a floor for minimum wage and still keep a smile on your face.

November 20th

We did an activity on Tuesday about how many influential women we know work pink versus blue collar jobs.  All five of my women, my mother, two sisters, grandmother, and friend work in places that are dominated by the male gender.  My mother is an office manager in an office that is full of men, without her, those guys would be hopelessly lost .  My sister Gwen is 32 and is a supervisor for Charter Communications in Fond du Lac and she bosses around a predominate male group.  My sister Becca is a Lab Technition for Covance Incorporated in Madison.  Most of her coworkers are male and think they are God, but when they have questions they come to my sister for help and imput.  My grandmother is retired, but in her glory days, she was a meat cutter for Schwarzs' Supper Club in St. Anna Wisconsin.  She never took any crap from her male bosses from the day she started to the day she retired.  Finally my friend Tina works for AGAPE of Appleton with developmentally disabled adult MALES.  Granted this is like a nanny job, but it takes a lot of guts to work with men who are bigger than you who are prone to hitting and kicking when they get upset.  All of these women had to work very hard to get to where they are today, and half the time, men would be incapable of completing the tasks without some form of help from a WOMAN. 

Marriage and Love

I LOVE THIS PIECE.  I agree with the first paragraph when she says that marriage and love are on opposite poles.  It is true.  Look at my biological parents relationship.  My parents had gotten pregnant with my older sister before they were married.  Because of the pregnancy, they decided to get married.  So, they got married because of a new life that they had accidentally made, not because they loved each other.  Also, they stayed together for a while before divorcing because of us kids, again, not because of love.  And when my father became very abusive, she did not stick around because of LOVE, she stayed because of FEAR.  I also agree with Emma Goldman when she says, "marriage is primarily an economic arrangement."  I know so many people who have gotten married so they could share benefits of insurance and the like, not because of LOVE.  Also, look at the fact that marriage is a trend, an "everybody's doing it" case.  Marriage used to be for people of certain religions, and look at how people who are not even remotely religious are able to get married IN A CHURCH.  I suppose that has nothing to do with marriage and love but I figured I would throw that in there. 

my family

So, since this week was about families, I would like to tell you about mine.  I have a biological family of my mom, Gwen, Becca, and I.  The add-ons in my family are my step-dad and his 3 children, Crystal, Walter, and Adam.  my Mom, my sisters and I are very close due to the fact that we depended on each other to survive when my father (abusive prick) was around.  The only step-child that really fits in with our family is Adam because Adam actually sees my sisters, mom and I as actual family.  He is closer with us than he is his biological family.  The newest arrival into my "family" is my Goddaughter Emily.  She was born on Tuesday September 14, 2010 at 11:forty something in the morning.  I got to cut the cord.  :-D .  My family may not be perfect, but they are very special to me.  Without them I would be nothing. 

Riot grrrls

So, for our readings today we had to read Riot Grrrrls.  I got about 7 paragraphs in before I was irritated.  They want to be this feminist, good-for-girls, in-your-face, punk group, but they refuse to be in the media.  How is something so supposedly good for females supposed to spread unless you are right there in the middle of it all?  I have never heard of Riot Grrrls before and I am not sure I want to.  Just from their act of refusing to be on/in media it gives me the message that they want to be in hiding, and that they don't really want their message to spread.  What is the point of having a message if you don't want it to be heard?  Why even have a message if the only people who are going to hear about it are the people who have heard it a million times?  That is like knowing about STD's and not spreading information about them.  I stopped reading it after those 7 paragraphs.

Girls Rock (movie)

So today in class we watched the Girls Rock movie and I thought it was okay.  Of all of the people they could have interviewed, they only chose two that a girl my age could relate to.  The Korean girl I could relate to because I AM an outcast.  I chose to be different and I accept the consequences.  I also know what it is like to hate everything about yourself like the Korean girl did.  I am not the right size to make friends easily, and I have a personality that is sometimes "out there."  Also, I have been told that I am very intimidating at first glance, which does not make me very approachable by strangers and potential friends.  This fact also makes me very self-conscious because of the fact that most people make the assumption that I am "big and scary" and therefore not friend material.  The other girl that I could relate to was the girl with long blonde hair.  I, myself, have had a hard past including, but not limited to, drugs and domestic violence and rape.  So, I know how hard it is to be a functional teenage girl in society with all of the problems of a past bothering you.  She and I are also similar in the way that we both bullied our way through school so everyone would leave us alone over stuff that is none of their business.  These two girls are my favorite because they were not the snotty rich little girls who have everything handed to them like the other girls they interviewed.  The two little girls that they focused on, sure they have problems, but they are still young and resilient and are able to bounce back more easily, and they also have time to cope and get used to their problems because their problems don't exactly have solutions.  Overall this was a good movie, but rock camp for girls, for a week, is expensive, and even poor girls, wait, ESPECIALLY poor girls need boosters.  So, making generally wealthy girls feel good at a camp is all well and good, but what about the girls who cannot afford camps like that.  They, too, are faced with the same derogatory messages and images as people who are well off.  So, what about the less fortunate, how are they supposed to get the great feelings of being a woman?